The Greatest Calamity Of The Realm: Christmas The Shitstorm (Uncut)

What number of times can be deemed appropriate to listen to the same Cliff Richard tracks repeatedly? How many times in a ten-hour day can one listen to the fucking same carols bleating out at an eardrum-exploding-frequency in every store, supermarket and shopping centre in fucking Great Britain? What’s so ‘Great’ about Britain anyhow?

Everyone hates us. Christmas is consumerism in its finest form. The hordes of saliva-frothing individuals that descend on shops like an army of orcs is beyond imagination. An analogy that I deem suitable is that scene in Harry Potter & The Chamber Of Secrets where the giant spiders of the Forbidden Forest suddenly appear in their masses. They see fresh meat. The meat being Ron & Harry who escape in a flying car.The items in department stores are the fresh meat. Only in the concept of Christmas, the fresh meat does not escape. The meat is the product.

Deaths and injuries occur on a mass scale. The mad dash to get certain items is one hundred times greater than the mad dash to the train in rush hour at Euston Station, London. Everyone thinks that “I am Barry Allen and I am the fastest man alive”. One Does Not Simply escape the mad dash unscathed. The produce purchased by customers could say ‘Made In Mordor’ and nobody would care because the media and capitalist ideology have made Christmas a business. When something is a business, there is no going back. Profit, Profit, Profit! Nobody gives a shit as long as money is being made for the top 1% of society because it’s the CEOs, bankers, corporate big shots and others in high positions in big banking firms that are making the money. By definition Christmas is legalised theft under the guise of a joyous festival.

Christmas starts way too early. The hype starts in May and people are already beginning the countdown. People are talking about Christmas from as early as May Day. Next are the tacky decorations. The lights, trees, wreaths etc. But what infuriates me the most is that there are always a light war between two neighbours. Every year there are two arse holes who think it would be okay to make their houses look like a fucking supernova.

A living tree has been killed. For less than a months enjoyment just for presents to be placed under it. It’s selfish. To hang tacky decorations on from Poundland. It’s awful to kill nature. It’s a crime. Deforestation is not enough is it? Then throw it away. Just buy a plastic tree which can be reused every year. Waste is huge. Christmas gift packaging, boxes, breakage, and countless other Christmas shit and fuckery. What becomes of all that garbage? It goes to a quarry to rot until next Christmas and history then repeats itself. From an environmental point of view, this festival is an environmental incompetency.

What gifts do people receive? Do they get things they need or things they want? Plus there is the constant whining of children wanting the latest gadgets. Shut the fuck up you little bitch! You have a roof over your head, education and food on the table. You have countless opportunities to participate in sport and join clubs and societies. I would say first world kids have it pretty damn good.Christmas is designed for retailers and makes people feel the need to buy more for no other reason than to be conform to social conventions. Not long into the new year, people are in debt and are financially fucked due to social peer pressure. Then the New Years sales arrive. More deaths and injuries sales from the mad dash which can be compared to the wilderbeast stampeed from the 1994 movie,’The Lion King’.

First Come; First Serve

Little kids are whiny cunts.  They don’t understand things, they bring on the waterworks to get what they want all the time, need constant attention and still believe in Santa Claus. They still believe in Father Christmas. What do we say to any who still believe in Father Christmas? Oh my sweet summer child.  If they don’t receive something they wanted, they make it everyone business. Attention seeking bastards. Get the hell out of my way, because Winter Is Coming.

Another point is that Jesus was not a Christian. He never will be a Christian. He was a Jew. Deal with it religious fanatics and your bloody signs made of materials brought from Staples. You and your money.Britain was built off immigration through the British Empire. I am not getting a day off for:  Ramadan, Diwali, St George’s Day, Passover St Patrick’s Day to name a few. Why is Christmas so special? Next, when the Christmas period hits, you cannot go anywhere. The motorways are jammed and it takes six hours to travel somewhere that would normally take one hour. The trains have broken down and there are immovable items on the tracks. Some things don’t change.

Christmas is one big, colossal lie. It was once a pagan festival after The Winter Solstice. Percy Jackson reference unintended. The hypocrisy is amusing in Western culture in terms of festivals. We all know the story of St Nicholas (in green). There are portrayals of a joyous being with his generosity and kindness.  There are pagan ties such as Odinto the Germans (from Norse Mythology). Then he was industrialized by Coca-Cola in the 1960s and was made red. It seemed Coca Cola volunteered red santa as tribute.Do you wish me a Merry Christmas, or mean that it is a Merry Christmas whether I want it or not; or that you feel merry on this particular Christmas; or that it is a Christmas to be merry on?

Do not wish me a Merry Christmas. Do not look at me with the intention of anything with Christmas connotations. Take your cheer and go deep into Mordor cast it back into the fire chasm whence it came.Why does everyone assume that I want to be wished a merry Christmas?

“Fuck the Season, Fuck the Festivity, Fuck The Cheer”



  1. mygeekdomcome · November 21, 2014

    Reblogged this on My Geekdom Come.