Poetry: There Is Something On Your Back

My mind is a puff of smoke
I kid you not, this is no joke
Not smoke but gas,
Yet I am perceived as being crass

My thoughts drift everywhere
In great pits of despair
I am a prisoner in my mind palace
Like in Wonderland with Alice

Thinking hurts way too much
The reverse puts me on a crutch
I must breath, inhale, exhale
Then spout like a whale

Each day I fight this villain
In a boxing match
Always losing
And end up snoozing

I awake in a burst of panic
Breathing becomes erratic and manic
My stomach is an earthquake
Tectonic plates grinding against each other
And now chunder!

I lay asleep with Morpheus
The dream eater and dream walker
I lay their with the Grim Reaper, my stalker
A constant reminder of my purgatory

I am not scared of darkness
Only the light in the dark
That would cast silhouettes and pictures
Of days memories past

Unflinching, unfeeling, unstimulated
A painful numbness, now consummated
Inhuman tendencies, it may seem
Feeling this unfeeling feeling.
How does one know they can’t feel unless they feel?

I revel in my own seclusion
I am a recluse
When people enter my mind palace
They will be castaway

I am me and me is I
Anxiety is a poison
It’s my shield wall

A deceptive shield
Depression is the sword I wield
Made of lies and phobias
Trust no one

People are created
And then cremated
From their indifference
Friend to executioner in seconds

There’s something on my back
It’s my suspicious nature
Which does more harm than good
Thus creating a moral crater

I look without seeing
Left to right
Right to left
Now I feel bereft

Eyes so dark and lonely
But most think I’m a phony
Full of sadness and bereavement
I have no eyes; just empty sockets

Depression is unfeeling and coldness
Anxiety is an emotional paradox
Having both, is a mind influx

You’re playing mind games with yourself
You’re fighting a war
And the battlefield is your mind
You will never win

The harder you come; the harder you fall
The more you progress, the finish line moves
The devil is playing tricks
And is enjoying this bout of psychological warfare